The Shmooze

Atoning for Your Texts on Yom Kippur

By Michael Kaminer

At first glance, the ads echo the old “You don’t have to be Jewish to love Levy’s real Jewish rye” ads — the ones featuring distinctly non-Semitic faces in ecstasy over Jewish rye bread.

But in a $100,000 campaign that launches this week, the punims belong to scandal-bitten celebrities. And the look-alike ads tout the value of so-called “offlining” — shutting off hand-held devices — on September 18, otherwise known as Yom Kippur 5771.

“You don’t have to be Jewish to atone for your texts on Yom Kippur,” reads the headline on a poster featuring a stricken-looking Tiger Woods. Lindsay Lohan’s exhausted visage adorns an ad whose kicker is “…to make amends for your Tweets on Yom Kippur.” And a wrinkly, smiling Mel Gibson stars in an ad that shares the same message about giving up “drunk dialing for Yom Kippur.”

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Tiger’s Jewish Mistress Will Pose for Playboy

By Josh Tapper

Rachel Uchitel, the Las Vegas nightclub hostess-cum-Tiger Woods mistress, will capitalize on her tryst with the world’s most infamous golfer by appearing half-nude in an upcoming Playboy spread, according to celebrity gossip site, TMZ.

But, Uchitel, the granddaughter of Ukrainian Jewish immigrants may not be taking it off so fast. She agreed to pose on the condition that she can back out anytime before the shoot, which is scheduled in three weeks.

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