The Shmooze

Shark Espionage or a Nasty Case of Alcohol Poisoning?

By Josh Tapper

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For those who view the world of international espionage with professionalism and gravity, the insinuation by Egyptian authorities a few weeks ago that the Mossad had employed a shark to terrorize tourists at Sharm el-Sheikh, a Red Sea coastal resort, was nothing short of ludicrous.

And if those same espionage-watchers are convinced spies are brought down by sophisticated covert operations, then perhaps they should examine the tactics of Dragan Stevic, a Serbian tourist, who killed a shark – believed to be one of the Sharm el-Sheikh terrorists – by jumping on its head. Unfortunately, the historical record will forever be hazy because the Serb was “too drunk to remember what happened.”

Here’s how it all went down, according to Stevic’s friend, Milovan Ubirapa, who witnessed the assassination. After a successful night of boozing, Stevic happened upon a diving board near the beach.

“Dragan climbed on the jumping board, told me to hold his beer and simply ran to jump,” Ubirapa said. “Dragan jumped high and plunged down to the sea, but didn’t make as much splash as we thought he would.”

Confused and disoriented, Stevic swam back to shore complaining the water was not as soft as he expected. The Macedonian International News Agency, which published the account, offers this reality check: “The water is soft, buddy. You just landed on a shark.”

Stevic killed the shark instantly. His only injuries: a twisted ankle and nasty case of alcohol poisoning.


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