The Bintel Brief

Bintel Brief: Shoshanna Rikon Says ‘Concentrate on What Is in Front of You’

By Shoshanna Rikon

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Dear Shoshanna,

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of many years, which was a tough, but correct, decision. While we were dating, I considered breaking up with her over a woman for whom I can only describe my feelings as intoxicating (the reason why I didn’t was because I was going to move away shortly). Then, the other night, I randomly ran into this woman and, though I thought the feelings were long gone, they reappeared almost instantly. I didn’t make a move that night, but I believe based on her body language and our conversation that there are at the very least residual feelings on her part as well. My problem? At the night’s end, she told me two things: 1) I have a boyfriend, and 2) don’t be a stranger. Is she sending me deliberately mixed messages, or am I simply misreading things entirely?


Shoshanna Rikon replies:

Before I answer your question regarding this mystery woman who you feel might be sending you “mixed signals,” I want to address your comments about your former girlfriend. Not every relationship turns into marriage. We do need to go through the dating process to figure out whether or not we have found someone to share our life with. You recently broke up with your girlfriend whom you dated for “many years,” yet you openly admit to having feelings for another during the time of your relationship. Always try to concentrate on what is in front of you!

Now, to answer your question involving this “intoxicating” woman: Maybe it is mixed signals, but it is more than likely that she is just not interested in you. You recently tried to rekindle the flame with her, yet you never actually had any type of relationship. You have probably just created this illusion for yourself of how lovely life with her is. However, the mutual attraction has not actually existed. Does she have a boyfriend — or is she merely saying it to avoid any more awkward evenings with you? When a woman says a vague general tagline, she is simply being coy and pacifying you to keep the environment comfortable. If a woman wanted to see you again, she would jump at the opportunity to and have her agenda readily available. She is likely not interested in you.

Shoshanna Rikon is the founder of Shoshanna’s Matches, which serves Jewish singles in the New York tri-state area.

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