The Bintel Brief

Help! I'm Losing Touch With My Nesting Friends

By Rob Kutner

  • Print
  • Share Share

Dear Bintel Brief:

I a single (and searching) woman in my early 30s. I have many cherished female friends, some of whom I’ve known for decades. Recently, it’s become increasingly difficult to stay in touch with many of my girlfriends because we’re at such different stages of our lives. While I’m out there JDating, I have close friends who already have two children. I understand that they are busier now than before they had children — that they don’t have as much time or inclination for after-work drinks and the like. But their friendships remain important to me, and I very much want to remain close. What can I do to ensure that differences in “family status” don’t spell the end for such friendships?

Thank you!

THE STILL-SINGLE FRIEND

Rob Kutner responds:

Dear Still Single:

As it happens, I am very well positioned to give you some perspective on this. Not because I am a single Jewish woman in my 30s (except, maybe, in certain Internet chatrooms), but because my wife and I have a 16-month-old, our first, and have wrestled with this challenge from the other side. Here’s the problem: “after-work drinks and the like.” New or newish parents don’t like to do anything after work, because we’re rushing home to see the kinder before they go to sleep. That, and a drop of alcohol turns our already-massive sleep deprivation into full-on zombiedom.

So, as the expression has it, “meet them where they are.” Ask if there’s a night when you can come over, see the baby or kids — you don’t have to show that much interest; as long as you do better than Elaine from Seinfeld’s comment of “breathtaking,” you’re home free — or even drop by after bedtime. Offer to pick up takeout or bring something over. Whatever lets parents cool their heels at home and not have to deal with driving, parking, and babysitters is very appealing. Another option is to identify lunch or coffee places that are convenient enough to them that they can bring said progeny in tow.

And if none of that works, the conclusion is obvious: They deliberately had unprotected sex in order to drive you out of their life.

Good luck,

Rob


Emmy-winning writer Rob Kutner has written for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” and “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien,” He is the author of “Apocalypse How: Turn the End Times into the Best of Times” (Running Press 2008). His annual New York Purim spiel, “The Shushan Channel” — starring Liz Winstead and Joel McHale — goes live Saturday, February 27 at the 92Y Tribeca. Buy tickets here.

If you have a question for the Bintel Brief, e-mail bintelbrief@forward.com. Questions selected for publication will be printed anonymously.


Permalink | | Share | Email | Print | Filed under: Single, Marriage, JDate, Friendship, Dating

The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.




Find us on Facebook!
  • Novelist Sayed Kashua finds it hard to write about the heartbreak of Gaza from the plush confines of Debra Winger's Manhattan pad. Tough to argue with that, whichever side of the conflict you are on.
  • "I’ve never bought illegal drugs, but I imagine a small-time drug deal to feel a bit like buying hummus underground in Brooklyn."
  • We try to show things that get less exposed to the public here. We don’t look to document things that are nice or that people would like. We don’t try to show this place as a beautiful place.”
  • A new Gallup poll shows that only 25% of Americans under 35 support the war in #Gaza. Does this statistic worry you?
  • “You will stomp us into the dirt,” is how her mother responded to Anya Ulinich’s new tragicomic graphic novel. Paul Berger has a more open view of ‘Lena Finkle’s Magic Barrel." What do you think?
  • PHOTOS: Hundreds of protesters marched through lower Manhattan yesterday demanding an end to American support for Israel’s operation in #Gaza.
  • Does #Hamas have to lose for there to be peace? Read the latest analysis by J.J. Goldberg.
  • This is what the rockets over Israel and Gaza look like from space:
  • "Israel should not let captives languish or corpses rot. It should do everything in its power to recover people and bodies. Jewish law places a premium on pidyon shvuyim, “the redemption of captives,” and proper burial. But not when the price will lead to more death and more kidnappings." Do you agree?
  • Slate.com's Allison Benedikt wrote that Taglit-Birthright Israel is partly to blame for the death of American IDF volunteer Max Steinberg. This is why she's wrong:
  • Israeli soldiers want you to buy them socks. And snacks. And backpacks. And underwear. And pizza. So claim dozens of fundraising campaigns launched by American Jewish and Israeli charities since the start of the current wave of crisis and conflict in Israel and Gaza.
  • The sign reads: “Dogs are allowed in this establishment but Zionists are not under any circumstances.”
  • Is Twitter Israel's new worst enemy?
  • More than 50 former Israeli soldiers have refused to serve in the current ground operation in #Gaza.
  • "My wife and I are both half-Jewish. Both of us very much felt and feel American first and Jewish second. We are currently debating whether we should send our daughter to a Jewish pre-K and kindergarten program or to a public one. Pros? Give her a Jewish community and identity that she could build on throughout her life. Cons? Costs a lot of money; She will enter school with the idea that being Jewish makes her different somehow instead of something that you do after or in addition to regular school. Maybe a Shabbat sing-along would be enough?"
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.