The Bintel Brief

Bintel Brief: Lisa Loeb Says Honesty Is the Best Policy

By Lisa Loeb

  • Print
  • Share Share

Dear Lisa,

Not too long ago, a friend set me up on a blind date. Being a very shy person, I was naturally a bit nervous. But the guy was perfectly nice, and we had a pleasant conversation. There was no chemistry between us, however, which I recognized at the time, and so I planned to pursue it no further. Nevertheless, I left the evening somewhat encouraged because it was my first date in quite some time, and it wasn’t a painfully awkward experience — we managed to find things to talk about for a few hours and closed the evening on a friendly note. I told my friend that I appreciated the set-up.

Within the next day or so, I received an e-mail from the date. Though the e-mail was in theory a nice note — he was following up on some music suggestions I had mentioned — he also made a point to say that maybe we could hang out again sometime “as friends.” Now this, to me, was infuriating, like he was beating me to the rejection punch or something.

I had not contacted him, and so apparently his purpose in writing was to convey that he was not interested. Before receiving this e-mail, I felt there was no need for rejection until a second date was proposed. Was I wrong about that? Was there any way I could have saved face in my response to him and conveyed that the rejection was mutual without simply sounding like sour grapes?

Thanks for your thoughts on this matter.

BEATEN TO THE PUNCH

Lisa Loeb replies:

Please read the letter that you sent to me. It sounds like you’re sending mixed messages to others and yourself, but mainly to yourself.

If you really want to meet someone, then give a guy a chance. If you have some good conversation, definitely go on the second date.

Also, if you didn’t really like the guy, then try not to take it so hard that he was letting you know it didn’t work out romantically for him either.

You can’t have it both ways. If you’re interested in him at all, go ahead and hang out with him “as friends” another time. Maybe something will become more clear or change or “click” for you guys.

Also, I think it’s actually really kind that he wrote something to be clear. He was probably just trying to be straightforward and not leave you hanging. That’s good manners. Good luck, and remember, most people are shy. You can always say that you’re shy. Sometimes it’s a great ice breaker.

Lisa Loeb is a Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter whose hit single “Stay (I Missed You)” topped the charts. In 2006, she came out with a compilation album, “The Very Best of Lisa Loeb,” and launched her own E! reality series, “#1 Single,” which followed her as she looked for love. This month, she is revisiting her roots with a double-disc reissue of her 1992 debut, “The Purple Tape,” featuring original acoustic versions of some of her classics.


Send a letter to the Bintel Brief at bintelbrief@forward.com. To read other installments of the Bintel Brief, click here.


Permalink | | Share | Email | Print | Filed under: Lisa Loeb, Bintel Brief

The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.


Comments
Louise Mon. Jan 28, 2008

I think you should simply reply to his email: "Who is this??" That'll beat his punch.

Abby Tue. Jan 29, 2008

I say, thank him for his kind offer of friendship, but tell him that you will have to decline b/c you're only able to be friends with men you find attractive.

Shy Guy Tue. Jan 29, 2008

This guy sounds like a tool. As a shy guy myself I'd be happy to take you out and see where it leads. I have a convertible if that helps. If you aren't game I got my eye on you Ms. Loeb...

George Costanza Tue. Jan 29, 2008

Tell him you were a self doubting Lesbian and jut wanted to see if you were attracted to men and that after visitng with him you knew you were not on that team. The say "It wasn't you it was me"

Ilana L. Thu. Jan 31, 2008

I don't think that you should reject him out of hand - being social isn't a bad thing, especially when you're shy, and, who knows, maybe he'll become a good friend. On the other hand, you want to make it clear that the non-attraction was mutual so you don't feel like he's patronizing you. Next time you socialize with him, slip in a comment like: "It's so good we met. The fact that I didn't feel any chemistry means we can hang out without complications - do you have any cute friends?" :)

Bar Kafka Fri. Feb 15, 2008

Alas, Pat Benatar was right. Love really is a battlefield.

Wyman Brent Sat. Feb 16, 2008

How about doing a reality show with the talented Lisa Loeb and myself working to create the Vilnius Jewish Library? It gets lonely out here on the road by myself. :)

Frank Mon. Dec 1, 2008

Wow.... I find most of these comments unbelievable. Why are most of you suggesting that someone lie? Being polite and tactful does not mean lying. It shows that you have no respect for others when you lie.




Find us on Facebook!
  • Happy birthday Barbra Streisand! Our favorite Funny Girl turns 72 today.
  • Clueless parenting advice from the star of "Clueless."
  • Why won't the city give an answer?
  • BREAKING NEWS: Israel has officially suspended peace talks with the Palestinians.
  • Can you guess what the most boring job in the army is?
  • What the foolish rabbi of Chelm teaches us about Israel and the Palestinian unity deal:
  • Mazel tov to Idina Menzel on making Variety "Power of Women" cover! http://jd.fo/f3Mms
  • "How much should I expect him and/or ask him to participate? Is it enough to have one parent reciting the prayers and observing the holidays?" What do you think?
  • New York and Montreal have been at odds for far too long. Stop the bagel wars, sign our bagel peace treaty!
  • Really, can you blame them?
  • “How I Stopped Hating Women of the Wall and Started Talking to My Mother.” Will you see it?
  • Taglit-Birthright Israel is redefining who they consider "Jewish" after a 17% drop in registration from 2011-2013. Is the "propaganda tag" keeping young people away?
  • Happy birthday William Shakespeare! Turns out, the Bard knew quite a bit about Jews.
  • Would you get to know racists on a first-name basis if you thought it might help you prevent them from going on rampages, like the recent shooting in Kansas City?
  • "You wouldn’t send someone for a math test without teaching them math." Why is sex ed still so taboo among religious Jews?
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.