The Bintel Brief

Bintel Brief: Lisa Loeb Says Why Not Go for Coffee?

By Lisa Loeb

  • Print
  • Share Share

Dear Lisa,

I recently signed up for J-Date. But I have trouble with this whole casual meet-lots-of-people thing. Here is why I’m bad at J-Date: I hate being ignored, and I can’t ignore people.

For instance, this one guy instant-messaged me. I didn’t answer. Then he e-mailed me. Then he e-mailed me again. Finally, I just felt so bad for not responding that I wrote back. And now he’s asked me out. He seems like a nice guy, but I’m pretty sure from his profile and our correspondence that we wouldn’t be a romantic match.

So now, instead of feeling bad for ignoring him, I feel bad that I’ve misled him. Should I agree to meet him, while being honest that I don’t think we would work out other than in a friend capacity? Do people meet with the intention of friendship? Is there some sort of J-Date protocol book?

RELUCTANT J-DATER

Lisa Loeb replies:

I think you should go on a date with him. What’s a cup of coffee? It seems like you’re not really sure what you want. Although I’d suggest that you practice following your heart, if someone is interested in you, and you have the time to meet the guy, and you’re still single, go on the date, and pay attention to how you feel.

Maybe he’s more interesting than you can tell from his online bio. Perhaps he’s more of a well-rounded person than he was able to explain over the Internet. Maybe he feels uncomfortable describing himself on the Internet, and he’s a great guy. Maybe not. You won’t know until you speak to him in person.

Also, it might be a good idea to take a look at your behavior. You acted as if you were interested. If you’re really not, then don’t act as if you are. Don’t be nice just because you’re scared to be honest. It’ll come back to haunt you in the form of friends and obligations and possibly even boyfriends you don’t want, but all part of a life you were partially responsible for creating because you couldn’t follow your heart and say “no.”

Remember that you’re on J-Date to meet a man. Go on dates.

Lisa Loeb is a Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter whose hit single “Stay (I Missed You)” topped the charts. In 2006, she came out with a compilation album, “The Very Best of Lisa Loeb,” and launched her own E! reality series, “#1 Single,” which followed her as she looked for love. This month, she is revisiting her roots with a double-disc reissue of her 1992 debut, “The Purple Tape,” featuring original acoustic versions of some of her classics. She will be doing an in-store performance and signing in New York at the Columbus Circle Borders Books at 7 p.m. on January 22.


Send a letter to the Bintel Brief at bintelbrief@forward.com. To read other installments of the Bintel Brief, click here.


Permalink | | Share | Email | Print | Filed under: Bintel Brief, Lisa Loeb

The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.


Comments
Ruth Thu. Jan 24, 2008

I am a big proponent of JDate, having met my sweet and smart boyfriend on it. (I am also a big fan of Lisa Loeb!) However, I am hesitant to agree with Lisa's advice on this one. Though a big part of online dating is being open to possibilities and taking chances, another crucial part of the experience is being selective, and knowing when not to follow through when someone who doesn't seem right to you off the bat. There is no official JDate protocol, but it's not the end of the world to ignore someone's message altogether (hopefully that will send them a hint loud and clear), AND there's certainly nothing wrong with sending a polite but firm response saying thank you, but you're not interested. If you feel that someone is inordinately bothering you or harassing you, JDate itself will be able to help you out with that. Good luck, and remember: it's okay to be selective!

Alan from Toronto Thu. Jan 24, 2008

Lisa is a brilliant woman, very talented and filled with common sense. JDate however, is a place where you have to trust your instincts. If you are hesitant to meet someone, for whatever reason trust your instincts. The "No Pressure" rule should always apply....




Find us on Facebook!
  • A Ukrainian rabbi says he thinks the leaflets ordering Jews in restive Donetsk to 'register' were a hoax. But the disturbing story still won't die.
  • Some snacks to help you get through the second half of Passover.
  • You wouldn't think that a Soviet-Jewish immigrant would find much in common with Gabriel Garcia Marquez. But the famed novelist once helped one man find his first love. http://jd.fo/f3JiS
  • Can you relate?
  • The Forverts' "Bintel Brief" advice column ran for more than 65 years. Now it's getting a second life — as a cartoon.
  • Half of this Hillel's members believe Jesus was the Messiah.
  • Vinyl isn't just for hipsters and hippies. Israeli photographer Eilan Paz documents the most astonishing record collections from around the world:http://jd.fo/g3IyM
  • Could Spider-Man be Jewish? Andrew Garfield thinks so.
  • Most tasteless video ever? A new video shows Jesus Christ dying at Auschwitz.
  • "It’s the smell that hits me first — musty, almost sweet, emanating from the green felt that cradles each piece of silver cutlery in its own place." Only one week left to submit! Tell us the story of your family's Jewish heirloom.
  • Mazel tov to Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky!
  • If it's true, it's pretty terrifying news.
  • “My mom went to cook at the White House and all I got was this tiny piece of leftover raspberry ganache."
  • Planning on catching "Fading Gigolo" this weekend? Read our review.
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.