The Bintel Brief

Bintel Brief: Lisa Loeb Says Why Not Go for Coffee?

By Lisa Loeb

  • Print
  • Share Share

Dear Lisa,

I recently signed up for J-Date. But I have trouble with this whole casual meet-lots-of-people thing. Here is why I’m bad at J-Date: I hate being ignored, and I can’t ignore people.

For instance, this one guy instant-messaged me. I didn’t answer. Then he e-mailed me. Then he e-mailed me again. Finally, I just felt so bad for not responding that I wrote back. And now he’s asked me out. He seems like a nice guy, but I’m pretty sure from his profile and our correspondence that we wouldn’t be a romantic match.

So now, instead of feeling bad for ignoring him, I feel bad that I’ve misled him. Should I agree to meet him, while being honest that I don’t think we would work out other than in a friend capacity? Do people meet with the intention of friendship? Is there some sort of J-Date protocol book?


Lisa Loeb replies:

I think you should go on a date with him. What’s a cup of coffee? It seems like you’re not really sure what you want. Although I’d suggest that you practice following your heart, if someone is interested in you, and you have the time to meet the guy, and you’re still single, go on the date, and pay attention to how you feel.

Maybe he’s more interesting than you can tell from his online bio. Perhaps he’s more of a well-rounded person than he was able to explain over the Internet. Maybe he feels uncomfortable describing himself on the Internet, and he’s a great guy. Maybe not. You won’t know until you speak to him in person.

Also, it might be a good idea to take a look at your behavior. You acted as if you were interested. If you’re really not, then don’t act as if you are. Don’t be nice just because you’re scared to be honest. It’ll come back to haunt you in the form of friends and obligations and possibly even boyfriends you don’t want, but all part of a life you were partially responsible for creating because you couldn’t follow your heart and say “no.”

Remember that you’re on J-Date to meet a man. Go on dates.

Lisa Loeb is a Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter whose hit single “Stay (I Missed You)” topped the charts. In 2006, she came out with a compilation album, “The Very Best of Lisa Loeb,” and launched her own E! reality series, “#1 Single,” which followed her as she looked for love. This month, she is revisiting her roots with a double-disc reissue of her 1992 debut, “The Purple Tape,” featuring original acoustic versions of some of her classics. She will be doing an in-store performance and signing in New York at the Columbus Circle Borders Books at 7 p.m. on January 22.

Send a letter to the Bintel Brief at To read other installments of the Bintel Brief, click here.

Permalink | | Share | Email | Print | Filed under: Bintel Brief, Lisa Loeb

The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.

Ruth Thu. Jan 24, 2008

I am a big proponent of JDate, having met my sweet and smart boyfriend on it. (I am also a big fan of Lisa Loeb!) However, I am hesitant to agree with Lisa's advice on this one. Though a big part of online dating is being open to possibilities and taking chances, another crucial part of the experience is being selective, and knowing when not to follow through when someone who doesn't seem right to you off the bat. There is no official JDate protocol, but it's not the end of the world to ignore someone's message altogether (hopefully that will send them a hint loud and clear), AND there's certainly nothing wrong with sending a polite but firm response saying thank you, but you're not interested. If you feel that someone is inordinately bothering you or harassing you, JDate itself will be able to help you out with that. Good luck, and remember: it's okay to be selective!

Alan from Toronto Thu. Jan 24, 2008

Lisa is a brilliant woman, very talented and filled with common sense. JDate however, is a place where you have to trust your instincts. If you are hesitant to meet someone, for whatever reason trust your instincts. The "No Pressure" rule should always apply....

Find us on Facebook!
  • Happy birthday to the Boy Who Lived! July 31 marks the day that Harry Potter — and his creator, J.K. Rowling — first entered the world. Harry is a loyal Gryffindorian, a matchless wizard, a native Parseltongue speaker, and…a Jew?
  • "Orwell would side with Israel for building a flourishing democracy, rather than Hamas, which imposed a floundering dictatorship. He would applaud the IDF, which warns civilians before bombing them in a justified war, not Hamas terrorists who cower behind their own civilians, target neighboring civilians, and planned to swarm civilian settlements on the Jewish New Year." Read Gil Troy's response to Daniel May's opinion piece:
  • "My dear Penelope, when you accuse Israel of committing 'genocide,' do you actually know what you are talking about?"
  • What's for #Shabbat dinner? Try Molly Yeh's coconut quinoa with dates and nuts. Recipe here:
  • Can animals suffer from PTSD?
  • Is anti-Zionism the new anti-Semitism?
  • "I thought I was the only Jew on a Harley Davidson, but I was wrong." — Gil Paul, member of the Hillel's Angels.
  • “This is a dangerous region, even for people who don’t live there and say, merely express the mildest of concern about the humanitarian tragedy of civilians who have nothing to do with the warring factions, only to catch a rash of *** (bleeped) from everyone who went to your bar mitzvah! Statute of limitations! Look, a $50 savings bond does not buy you a lifetime of criticism.”
  • That sound you hear? That's your childhood going up in smoke.
  • "My husband has been offered a terrific new job in a decent-sized Midwestern city. This is mostly great, except for the fact that we will have to leave our beloved NYC, where one can feel Jewish without trying very hard. He is half-Jewish and was raised with a fair amount of Judaism and respect for our tradition though ultimately he doesn’t feel Jewish in that Larry David sort of way like I do. So, he thinks I am nuts for hesitating to move to this new essentially Jew-less city. Oh, did I mention I am pregnant? Seesaw, this concern of mine is real, right? There is something to being surrounded by Jews, no? What should we do?"
  • "Orwell described the cliches of politics as 'packets of aspirin ready at the elbow.' Israel's 'right to defense' is a harder narcotic."
  • From Gene Simmons to Pink — Meet the Jews who rock:
  • The images, which have since been deleted, were captioned: “Israel is the last frontier of the free world."
  • As J Street backs Israel's operation in Gaza, does it risk losing grassroots support?
  • What Thomas Aquinas might say about #Hamas' tunnels:
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?

We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.