Sisterhood Blog

Are Concubines Now Kosher?

By Debra Nussbaum Cohen

  • Print
  • Share Share
Getty Images
Mormon sister wives. Will we soon see families like this in the Orthodox community?
The chief judge of Jerusalem’s rabbinical court, Rabbi Eliyahu Abergel, recently ruled that a man may take a concubine if his wife is unable or unwilling to bear children, and unwilling to divorce him.

According to an article in Israeli newspaper Israel haYom, Abergel permitted the head of a major yeshiva to take a pilegesh, or concubine, when it became clear that his wife was unable to have children.

Abergel states that his ruling “will enable husbands to fulfill the commandment of procreation,” and that a concubine can live with the couple or separately.

A pilegesh is something less than a wife but more than a casual sex partner, more akin to a formal mistress than anything else. She is a woman who agrees to be in a monogamous relationship with an already-married man (who is obviously also free to have sex with his wife) without the protection of — or constraints of — a ketubah, or marriage contract. When the relationship ends, she doesn’t receive any divorce settlement (as she would with a ketubah) but neither is she bound by a man’s refusal to give her a get.

Abergel’s ruling isn’t the first time, even in recent memory, that the idea has been raised in Israel and the U.S.

There was a bit of a dust-up back in 1995 and again in 1996, when the “Shalom Bayis organization” who got a lot of press for encouraging men and women to consider a pilegesh relationship.

More attention was paid in 2006, when a blog promoting the idea was born. More recently, in Israel last year there was another effort to promote bigamy.

In light of Abergel’s recent ruling, I thought I’d ask around to see if pilgeshut is thriving today or is more of a fringe occurrence. The answer, at least according to a man who corresponded with me only as “Rabbi Tsvi,” and also uses the Twitter handle “Emes L’Yaakov” (Or “the truth to Jacob,” probably a reference to Rabbi Yaakov Emden, the 18th century German Talmudist who sanctioned the practice), is somewhere in between. “It is growing, but I doubt if it is very widespread. Almost all of the people involved would be keeping it very low key,” he wrote in an interview by email.

Rabbi Tsvi, who declined to give his last name, writing, “things are a little bit sensitive for naming names,” said that he is 60 years old, was ordained by Yeshiva University and is certified to arrange Jewish divorces and oversee ritual slaughter. His partner in a pilegesh blog, Chabad messianist Rabbi Ariel Sokolovsky, said that Rabbi Tsvi is a rabbinical court judge in Jerusalem.

Over the past 16 years, “I have counseled a number of men (and a very few women) who were interested” in pilgeshut, he wrote. “I tell them that one of the most important points in having a second wife or pilegesh is to keep the first wife. Otherwise, you have merely changed your partner.”

“I know of cases of two wives living together with the same husband, a case of a man who had a pilegesh with the full knowledge and consent of his wife, subsequently he divorced the wife but is still with the pilegesh. I know someone who wanted to marry a second wife. When he told his wife, she flipped out and demanded a divorce. While divorce proceedings were pending, he entered into a pilegesh relationship with the other woman. I know of three cases of men who married a second wife while still married, but who were separated from the first wife. One was a case of adultery, one a case of insanity, and I don’t know the reason for the third case,” he wrote.

Rabbi Tsvi authored this sample pilegesh agreement. It requires the concubine to go to the mikvah each month, affirms the mutual consent of both parties, states that any children borne of the relationship will be legitimate and have the same rights of inheritance as any other of the man’s children, and says that no Jewish divorce is required to end the relationship.

He doesn’t have a pilegesh himself because, “My wife does not agree to it, and even if occasionally she may give lip-service consent, I know that she does not consent in her heart, and it would either drive her away, or drive her into depression.” Rabbi Chaim Miller, author of contemporary Chabad adaptations of classical Jewish texts, spoke in June at a popular Crown Heights synagogue on “May a man take a concubine in the current era?”

The answer, in short, is no, he told The Sisterhood. “There are often people who try to go back in the text and find things that were never practiced. I highly doubt it will become adopted in the mainstream Jewish world. It’s abhorrent to our values, and unfair to a woman for a man to take another woman,” he said.

Rivkah Haut, an advocate for agunot, or women denied divorces by their estranged husbands, called Abergel’s ruling “unconscionable.”

Given his apparent insensitivity to women, “one can only imagine how he deals with the women who litigate in his court,” Haut said.

But, she said, the issue of pilgeshut is “most complex,” and is taken seriously, at least in theory, by some advocates for agunot. Pilgeshot “have the ‘advantage’ of not being halakhic wives, ergo they can exit a marriage without a get,” she said. “Of course, they also lack security and the financial advantage of the ketubah. There are those today who advocate this sort of status for all women,” Haut said. “I do not advocate this, but some agunah advocates do. It is an area fraught with complications, not simple or one sided at all.”


Permalink | | Share | Email | Print | Filed under: Polygamy, Bigamy, Agunot

The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.




Find us on Facebook!
  • “You can plagiarize the Bible, can’t you?” Jill Sobule says when asked how she went about writing the lyrics for a new 'Yentl' adaptation. “A couple of the songs I completely stole." Share this with the theater-lovers in your life!
  • Will Americans who served in the Israeli army during the Gaza operation face war crimes charges when they get back home?
  • Talk about a fashion faux pas. What was Zara thinking with the concentration camp look?
  • “The Black community was resistant to the Jewish community coming into the neighborhood — at first.” Watch this video about how a group of gardeners is rebuilding trust between African-Americans and Jews in Detroit.
  • "I am a Jewish woman married to a non-Jewish man who was raised Catholic, but now considers himself a “common-law Jew.” We are raising our two young children as Jews. My husband's parents are still semi-practicing Catholics. When we go over to either of their homes, they bow their heads, often hold hands, and say grace before meals. This is an especially awkward time for me, as I'm uncomfortable participating in a non-Jewish religious ritual, but don't want his family to think I'm ungrateful. It's becoming especially vexing to me now that my oldest son is 7. What's the best way to handle this situation?" http://jd.fo/b4ucX What would you do?
  • Maybe he was trying to give her a "schtickle of fluoride"...
  • It's all fun, fun, fun, until her dad takes the T-Bird away for Shabbos.
  • "Like many Jewish people around the world, I observed Shabbat this weekend. I didn’t light candles or recite Hebrew prayers; I didn’t eat challah or matzoh ball soup or brisket. I spent my Shabbat marching for justice for Eric Garner of Staten Island, Michael Brown of Ferguson, and all victims of police brutality."
  • Happy #NationalDogDay! To celebrate, here's a little something from our archives:
  • A Jewish couple was attacked on Monday night in New York City's Upper East Side. According to police, the attackers flew Palestinian flags.
  • "If the only thing viewers knew about the Jews was what they saw on The Simpsons they — and we — would be well served." What's your favorite Simpsons' moment?
  • "One uncle of mine said, 'I came to America after World War II and I hitchhiked.' And Robin said, 'I waited until there was a 747 and a kosher meal.'" Watch Billy Crystal's moving tribute to Robin Williams at last night's #Emmys:
  • "Americans are much more focused on the long term and on the end goal which is ending the violence, and peace. It’s a matter of zooming out rather than debating the day to day.”
  • "I feel great sorrow about the fact that you decided to return the honor and recognition that you so greatly deserve." Rivka Ben-Pazi, who got Dutchman Henk Zanoli recognized as a "Righteous Gentile," has written him an open letter.
  • Is there a right way to criticize Israel?
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.