Just Married

King and Queen of Set-Ups

By Simi Lichtman

  • Print
  • Share Share
Claudio Papapietro
Walk Tall: Simi and Jeremy have no shame about wanting to set you up with their friends.

I’ve been married for six months, and I’ve been struck with that most humiliating of marriage bugs: the one where married couples decide they simply must set up all their friends. When I was single, this was the most irritating behavior on the part of my engaged and married friends. Now I’ve become that annoying person, and I can’t shake the part of my brain that, upon meeting someone new, immediately shuffles through all my single friends until one more or less matches.

Back before I had this most exasperating quality, I figured couples tried to set everyone up because they were so happy, so all their single friends must want to be coupled up to be just as blissfully blithesome as they were. Now that Jeremy and I have joined their ranks, I think the reason is a lot more selfish: I think we try to set up our friends because we want more couple friends. Couple friends are more equal-opportunity for other couples. There are two people to hang out with, so when Jeremy is discussing free will with one, I can talk about anything else with the other, instead of going into a JD-esque daydream a la “Scrubs.” And vice versa. It’s all part of a scheme, really: pair everyone off, then convince them to move to our neighborhood.

The worst part of it all, other than annoying all of our single friends and giving them more reason to hate married couples, is that Jeremy and I are not exactly experts at setting people up. The only couple we’ve successfully matched off was completely accidental; they met at our engagement party and if they hadn’t hit it off on their own, we never would have thought to set it up. (Now, of course, we take full credit for their being engaged so we can have one couple on our record.) With everyone else, our thought process goes something like, “Oh he’s smart and weird, and she’s smart and weird, maybe they’ll like each other.” Plot spoiler: it usually doesn’t work. But our incompetence doesn’t keep us from trying. Like kids who just can’t take a hint, we embrace the philosophy of, “If at first you don’t succeed, just keep trying until everyone hates you.”

Of course, recognizing this about ourselves won’t keep us from continuing to do it. We just have a lot of awesome friends and want to set them up with other awesome people. It’s become an automatic reaction to meeting someone around my age and single: who can I set them up with? Which of my friends would they get along with? Who knows? Throw enough people at them and one of them might stick. (For all my friends reading this, it’s really just because we like you. I promise.)

In our defense — I clearly judge myself for this behavior — one of our friends pointed out recently that not everyone wants to be married, so we probably shouldn’t foist our own ideas onto them. We acknowledged that, and the only people we’ve really tried to set up are those friends who we know are looking to meet someone. Mostly. Plus, there’s some Jewish wisdom — I have no idea what its source is — that if you set up three couples you go to heaven. And Jeremy and I wouldn’t say no to a bit of help getting there.


Permalink | | Share | Email | Print | Filed under: setting up friends, married, Jewish

The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.




Find us on Facebook!
  • Jon Stewart responds to his critics: “Look, obviously there are many strong opinions on this. But just merely mentioning Israel or questioning in any way the effectiveness or humanity of Israel’s policies is not the same thing as being pro-Hamas.”
  • "My bat mitzvah party took place in our living room. There were only a few Jewish kids there, and only one from my Sunday school class. She sat in the corner, wearing the right clothes, asking her mom when they could go." The latest in our Promised Lands series — what state should we visit next?
  • Former Israeli National Security Advisor Yaakov Amidror: “A cease-fire will mean that anytime Hamas wants to fight it can. Occupation of Gaza will bring longer-term quiet, but the price will be very high.” What do you think?
  • Should couples sign a pre-pregnancy contract, outlining how caring for the infant will be equally divided between the two parties involved? Just think of it as a ketubah for expectant parents:
  • Many #Israelis can't make it to bomb shelters in time. One of them is Amos Oz.
  • According to Israeli professor Mordechai Kedar, “the only thing that can deter terrorists, like those who kidnapped the children and killed them, is the knowledge that their sister or their mother will be raped."
  • Why does ultra-Orthodox group Agudath Israel of America receive its largest donation from the majority owners of Walmart? Find out here: http://jd.fo/q4XfI
  • Woody Allen on the situation in #Gaza: It's “a terrible, tragic thing. Innocent lives are lost left and right, and it’s a horrible situation that eventually has to right itself.”
  • "Mark your calendars: It was on Sunday, July 20, that the momentum turned against Israel." J.J. Goldberg's latest analysis on Israel's ground operation in Gaza:
  • What do you think?
  • "To everyone who is reading this article and saying, “Yes, but… Hamas,” I would ask you to just stop with the “buts.” Take a single moment and allow yourself to feel this tremendous loss. Lay down your arms and grieve for the children of Gaza."
  • Professor Dan Markel, 41 years old, was found shot and killed in his Tallahassee home on Friday. Jay Michaelson can't explain the death, just grieve for it.
  • Employees complained that the food they received to end the daily fast during the holy month of Ramadan was not enough (no non-kosher food is allowed in the plant). The next day, they were dismissed.
  • Why are peace activists getting beat up in Tel Aviv? http://jd.fo/s4YsG
  • Backstreet's...not back.
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.