Forward Thinking

Q&A: Evan Wolfson on Marriage Equality Movement

By Michael Kaminer

  • Print
  • Share Share
Evan Wolfson

A long list of characters helped elevate a pair of marriage-equality cases to the Supreme Court, where they’ll be heard in 2013. But if one person deserves credit for the ascent of the marriage-rights movement, it’s Evan Wolfson. In 2003, when even gay people felt it a fringe cause, Wolfson founded Freedom to Marry as a “campaign to win marriage nationwide.” A decade later, the organization has helped align marriage rights in nine states and Washington D.C. — and doubled public support for marriage equality to what Wolfson calls “a clear majority”.

Wolfson came to the marriage-equality fight battle-tested; in the 1990’s, he served as co-counsel in an historic Hawaii marriage case that essentially launched the cause. Wolfson has also reaped some of the fruits of his labor. He married biotech consultant Cheng He last October after the State of New York passed the Marriage Equality Act, a bill he pushed for himself. Wolfson, 55, spoke to the Forward from his Chelsea office.

Michael Kaminer: When you started Freedom to Marry, did you imagine you’d see marriage equality debated in front of the Supreme Court?

Evan Wolfson: That was always the goal. Our strategy derives from the lessons of history, from how America does its civil rights business, and from how other civil-rights movements have made progress. The strategy has always said we achieve social justice once either Congress or the Supreme Court brings the country to a national resolution. But that national resolution doesn’t come at the beginning, or even the early middle. It comes after a patchwork of struggles, and progress, and defeats, with some states moving faster while other states regress. The same strategy that brought us to this point of triumph and transformation will bring the freedom to marry home nationwide.

Your 2004 book was called “Why Marriage Matters: America, Equality, and Gay People’s Right to Marry.” Why does marriage matter?

Marriage matters because it is the vocabulary of love, commitment, family, and connectedness, and it’s a way of helping people understand that gay people share aspirations to finding someone who’ll put up with us in life, whom we can build a life with, caring for that person, and being cared for by that person. Gay people are also part of families, and want to connect and strengthen our families. Under the law, marriage is also the language of full inclusion and respect, as well as of a vast array of protections and responsibilities, from birth to death, with taxes in between. And through marriage, we help people understand better how gay people are, and help advance our inclusion and full participation in society across all the things we care about, including but not limited to marriage. Marriage has been an engine of inclusion and progress in reducing discrimination against gay people.

Overall, how would you characterize the Jewish establishment’s role in the marriage-equality fight?

The Jewish role has been a proud and important one in our movement. Many leaders of the cause are Jewish. Many supporters and champions have been Jewish. And the Jewish establishment has been early and strong in support for gay people, their families, and the freedom to marry. The Reform and Reconstructionist movements have taken strong and explicit stands, as has the Conservative rabbinate.

Some Orthodox Jewish leaders have been vocal opponents of marriage equality. How do you respond?

They’re sadly out of step with social justice and with the needs of gay families, who they never seem to tend to or even address. They are also doing a real disservice to the very important values of religious freedom that really matter in America, and for Jews. This isn’t about forcing any rabbi, priest, or temple, or mosque, or church to perform a ceremony. But it’s in the interest of each of those to resist trying to dictate to the government who can get a civil marriage license. Jewish people have a real stake in protecting that religious pluralism and freedom.

The Orthodox ought to understand that.

People are entitled to their own religious views. But as a matter of pastoral care, you’d also think you’d hear more voices caring about families and communities that are enriched by the freedom to marry under the law. The Orthodox establishment’s opposition is a minority and out of step with where the vast majority of Jewish people are.

In the “Vows” column about your wedding in The New York Times, your parents sounded incredibly supportive. What kind of Jewish upbringing did you have?

I’m very lucky to have warm, loving parents who are also great examples of the value of marriage. They’ve been married now for 57-plus years. We had a beautiful celebration of their golden anniversary a few years ago.

They’ve always put their kids first, and they’ve always been there for us. It’s an important lesson I’ve always taken with me. We were sent to Jewish summer camp and Hebrew school, and we celebrated holidays. We had a Jewish consciousness and a Jewish life. In fact, the camp we attended, Boiberik [founded by the Sholem Aleichem Folk Institute in 1923, and closed in 1979] was part of the Yiddish social justice world. I learned the importance of tikkun olam, the importance of standing up for what’s right, the importance of caring about others. My parents also met at that camp, so it’s very important to my family.

Did you incorporate Jewish elements into your own wedding?

We did. It wasn’t a religious wedding, but we wanted to draw on many sources of inspiration and importance to us. So we got married under a chuppah, reflecting my Jewish background, made of four Chinese bamboo woven together, reflecting my husband’s Chinese ethnicity. It was actually quite beautiful and quite meaningful.

We also began the wedding ceremony by asking our sisters to light candles on a menorah that came from my summer camp. And at the end, we broke the glass together. The judge [Justice Rosalyn H. Richter, who sits on the Appellate Division of the State Supreme Court in Manhattan] who performed ceremony, a close friend, who‘s also Jewish, talked about many meanings of the breaking up glass.

And the one that was important to Cheng and me was that while we celebrate having won the freedom to marry in New York, and we’re getting married surrounded by family and friends, there are many places where gay people are denied freedom to marry, and many states and countries where the lack of freedom remains. We broke the glass to remind ourselves that the work is not yet done.


Permalink | | Share | Email | Print | Filed under: supreme court, jewish, gay marriage, evan wolfson

The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.




Find us on Facebook!
  • A new Gallup poll shows that only 25% of Americans under 35 support the war in #Gaza. Does this statistic worry you?
  • “You will stomp us into the dirt,” is how her mother responded to Anya Ulinich’s new tragicomic graphic novel. Paul Berger has a more open view of ‘Lena Finkle’s Magic Barrel." What do you think?
  • PHOTOS: Hundreds of protesters marched through lower Manhattan yesterday demanding an end to American support for Israel’s operation in #Gaza.
  • Does #Hamas have to lose for there to be peace? Read the latest analysis by J.J. Goldberg.
  • This is what the rockets over Israel and Gaza look like from space:
  • "Israel should not let captives languish or corpses rot. It should do everything in its power to recover people and bodies. Jewish law places a premium on pidyon shvuyim, “the redemption of captives,” and proper burial. But not when the price will lead to more death and more kidnappings." Do you agree?
  • Slate.com's Allison Benedikt wrote that Taglit-Birthright Israel is partly to blame for the death of American IDF volunteer Max Steinberg. This is why she's wrong:
  • Israeli soldiers want you to buy them socks. And snacks. And backpacks. And underwear. And pizza. So claim dozens of fundraising campaigns launched by American Jewish and Israeli charities since the start of the current wave of crisis and conflict in Israel and Gaza.
  • The sign reads: “Dogs are allowed in this establishment but Zionists are not under any circumstances.”
  • Is Twitter Israel's new worst enemy?
  • More than 50 former Israeli soldiers have refused to serve in the current ground operation in #Gaza.
  • "My wife and I are both half-Jewish. Both of us very much felt and feel American first and Jewish second. We are currently debating whether we should send our daughter to a Jewish pre-K and kindergarten program or to a public one. Pros? Give her a Jewish community and identity that she could build on throughout her life. Cons? Costs a lot of money; She will enter school with the idea that being Jewish makes her different somehow instead of something that you do after or in addition to regular school. Maybe a Shabbat sing-along would be enough?"
  • Undeterred by the conflict, 24 Jews participated in the first ever Jewish National Fund— JDate singles trip to Israel. Translation: Jews age 30 to 45 travelled to Israel to get it on in the sun, with a side of hummus.
  • "It pains and shocks me to say this, but here goes: My father was right all along. He always told me, as I spouted liberal talking points at the Shabbos table and challenged his hawkish views on Israel and the Palestinians to his unending chagrin, that I would one day change my tune." Have you had a similar experience?
  • "'What’s this, mommy?' she asked, while pulling at the purple sleeve to unwrap this mysterious little gift mom keeps hidden in the inside pocket of her bag. Oh boy, how do I answer?"
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.