Forward Thinking

Russell Crowe To Play Foreskin Man

By Gal Beckerman

  • Print
  • Share Share
Foreskin Man

The big studios seem to be running out of superheros for the summer movie season. They must be scraping the bottom of the barrel if the best they can do now is Thor and the Green Lantern.

I have a solution: A brand new superhero, minted just last week, and a big, big Hollywood star who seems hyped to play him.

We’ve recently been introduced to the comic book “Foreskin Man,” the quite blatantly, Medieval-style anti-Semitic creation of one Matthew Hess, a key figure behind the ballot initiative to ban circumcision in San Francisco. The comic’s hero fights off the dark, Shylock-looking character known as “Mohel Monster” who brandishes his knife and looks to cut up Jewish babies’ penises. Foreskin Man is a waspy, blond haired hunk in a yellow cape whose real identity is the mild, mannered bachelor Miles Hastwick.

Russell Crowe is apparently auditioning for the part via Twitter. After one of his followers informed Crowe that he was expecting a son and hoping to circumcise him, the Australian star known as much for his acting as for throwing telephones at people in hotel lobbies, responded: “Circumcision is barbaric and stupid. Who are you to correct nature? Is it real that GOD requires a donation of foreskin?”

Crowe went on to call another follower that defended the ritual practice a “moron,” and extolled the virtues of his own foreskin: “It’s cold here in Ireland, it’s like a turtle neck, but for my penis.”

It’s a done deal then. The only question is: Who will play the arch enemy of Foreskin Man, “Monster Mohel”? I vote for Pacino!


Would you like to receive updates about new stories?






















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.